On Abstinence and Effort:

Warriors, Old and New
Toledo, Spain
Photo Credit: 
A. Massey Productions

Caked sweat, blisters, jock-itch, opened veins with blood pooling onto the hot desert sand…

Face paint, nostrils filled with gun smoke, explosives, heat stroke, lots of yelling, hospital waiting rooms, dance parties across the street from hospital waiting rooms, more explosives…

Press interviews, photo-ops, miles upon miles of marching, pain, fatigue, tears, and even more explosives…

These are just some of the things I endured during my last week of advanced combat training in the military. It was intense to say the least. But then it was all over. After a lengthy graduation ceremony with pomp and circumstance, led by a rather boorish army Major, we were sent home for a weekend of rest, recovery and recuperation.

Immediately upon returning to my apartment I dipped my cracked and calloused feet into a hot soapy bath. Armed with a large glass of Scotch I tried to reflect on the week’s pass while allowing the instrumental Jazz music that played from the speakers in the other room to soothe my aggressive spirit. I had done it, finished what I had set out to accomplish. It was grueling but I persisted and even through my exhaustion, flames of honor burned in my chest. I was damn proud of myself.

Yet, I was also heartbroken. My latest occupation had nearly killed one of my greatest loves: writing. Because of the demands and urgency of the military I had little to no time to write. Even when I found the time to put pen to paper all my work seemed like shit. Nothing flowed like it should and the words failed to excite. It was almost as if nothing stimulated me anymore.

Suddenly, right then and there, I got it! In the midst of my brooding I was smacked in the face by Mother Inspiration herself. Scotch still in hand, I bolted barefooted out of the bathroom and stumbled into the bedroom to find my ever-ready pen and pad. After close to a half a year of writer’s block I had finally found a cure. The cure, coincidentally, was found in it’s own symptoms: Vice, pleasure, debauchery, excitement, and inspiration.

All is for pleasure or the absence of pain. Sounds hedonistic, I know, but even religious folks who fantasize about their afterlife when they die are expecting a heavy dose of the world’s favorite pastime: feeling great!

Thanks to once-booming economies and a technological revolution, many vices and devices these days are quicker, stronger and easier to acquire. The buildup of waiting for something exciting is a thing of the past. This is, in theory, a fantastic phenomenon. It has led to increased pleasure, quicker feelings, more sophisticated sensations.

Except when we become desensitized to it all — then we feel dead.

Connectivity is stimulating and in today’s new age we are overstimulated. Furthermore, things like fame, validation, success and attention — feats that once took lifetimes to achieve — can be accessed with a single upload. Up until the Gulf War a soldier had to wait up to weeks to receive a letter from loved ones. Now, thanks to instant messaging, communications are streamlined even overseas. Modern thinkers blame Globalization and the media for bringing various “EXCITING” issues traditionally scattered around the world — such as war, crime, poverty and natural disaster — into the everyday living rooms via TV and internet. Ironically, it is possible these days to feel the horror of a murder, tsunami, rape, or coup d’etat that took place halfway across the globe even before you get to work.

But as we are pumped with heavier doses of strong sensations, from things like lightning-fast connectivity and hyper-consumption of now affordable luxuries, our dependency as well as capacity for pleasure grows. This can have long term consequences. One in particular, aside from desensitization, is the lack of triumph usually felt after working hard to achieve something.

In a way this is how narcotics effect the psyche. When ingested, strong drugs pique the pleasure plateau to shockingly high levels in a fraction of the time normally needed to achieve those results naturally. For example, if, in one day, you ran a marathon, volunteered at a food bank, planted a tree, cleaned your room and saved a panda you would undoubtably reach a lofty level of self-worth. All that hard and fulfilling work would leave you feeling encouraged, happy, proud and overall pleased with yourself. Unlike the pixie dust that some indulge in, those pleasures took hard effort to attain. It will last and be available even longer through memory and tangible proofs. You won’t just pee it out after a painfully long withdrawal process.

If the military has taught me anything it’s to appreciate the small things as well as things I had previously taken for granted. With all luxuries limited as of late, I have a new appreciation for everyday gifts like hot showers, tasty food, human connection, entertainment and even freedom.

Surprisingly, the army’s limitation of all these things has transformed me not only into a reflexive warrior but, in many ways, a happier person. When I have that free time I’m more conscious of it. Every tune is magic. Every kind pair of eyes is adored. Every uninterrupted night’s sleep with my boots off is a miracle and, of course, time in general is better utilized.

Boredom is not a fun state of mind. But even with increased stimuli and options we can still feel empty. I know I can. The idea is to pace yourself. Have something to look forward to. Limit yourself and let desire develop. Savor the flavor and enjoy the chase. Fight for lasting pleasures and take your time enjoying them.

DISTANCE CAN BE GOOD.

MODERATION CAN BE BENEFICIAL.

SELF-CONTROL CAN BE WORTHWHILE.

After much time (unwillingly) abstaining from hot baths, groovy music and anything remotely close to Scotch I was finally able to properly enjoy myself. What followed resulted not only in renewed excitements but the restoration of the even greater pleasure of creativity. And with that, I got more than I bargained for.

JUMP IN THE WATER!

Sparks of David Photography

VUL•NER•A•BLE

                /ˈvəln(ə)rəbəl/ adj.

1. Exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally: (e.g., everyone)

"Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength."

-Sigmund Freud

(Source: Oxford Dictionaries)

Have you ever gone to the pool for a swim and dipped your toes in the water only to find that the temperature is frigidly cold? This is called toeing the waters. Over time you gradually expose yourself to the uncomfortable waters before fully immersing yourself and soon afterward you're swimming freely and confidently splashing around. The other option, of course, is to dive in quickly and watch as your body naturally adapts to the new environment. 

I recently joined the military and every morning when I awake I'm faced with a dilemma. I sleep on the top bunk and when I finally swing my legs over the mattress and let them dangle below, I groan. Quickly switching gears from the ultimate state of vulnerability to a high-octane day can be shocking and dreadful. I'm hesitant and the trip from bunk to bottom feels more like skyscraper to concrete pavement. Every morning I say aloud "Come on, Dave. Just jump in the water" as if the floor below is an icy pool and I'm avoiding total immersion and every morning -- despite my displeasure -- I take that leap and land on the floor with a thud. The phrase has become so common that if my fellow cadets see me dawdling in bed or stuck in my morning stupor they'll say "Come on, Dave. Just jump in the water." It's a friendly reminder that despite fatigue, fear of the unknown, and the fact that you are so far removed from what some call "normal life" you must believe in the blood rushing through your veins, dive into life's challenges, and prevail.  

Essentially, each and every one of us is vulnerable in some way or another. Aside from obvious times when we're not on guard, like when we eat and sleep and other states, we must face other psychological and ideological vulnerabilities. Religion and science are at odds as to the fundamental questions of when and why we were created and we all know that regardless of the answers we had no choice in the matter. Unable to foretell the future, we wake up every morning vulnerable from uncertainty and must patiently await as the external factors of our fate progress every day. 

Vulnerability surrounds us all. It strikes when you really have to pee while on a bus and someone comes over to talk to you. It hides in your luggage when you travel to a foreign land and are unable to speak the language. It rears its ugly head before an important job interview or when you ask your crush out on a date. It's by your side when you have a disease running through your veins and when you can't seem to shake the chains of a troubled childhood. It whispers into the ears of the artists who publicly display their work and haunts the dreams of parents whose children are just gaining their independence. Vulnerability is when you are one of 7 billion human beings living on a spherical planet that always seems to be on the brink of death and destruction.

Abuse is knowing that a victim is vulnerable and then trying to exploit that vulnerability. When a perpetrator targets peoples' innate desires, fears, feelings of loneliness and lack of knowledge in order to attain dominance it highlights the criminal's own insecurity. Their fiend for supremacy and strong desire to manipulate their own vulnerability manifests itself in their unspeakable acts. 

    

To love, on the other hand, is to embrace vulnerability. It means giving somebody else a large chunk of your inner-self and trusting that they won't destroy everything that you have built yourself up to be. Although, when you've been hurt many times before there is an almost natural reluctance to re-enter the sometimes terrifying world of dating and intimacy. Protective barriers are built and fortified over time and the prospect of allowing another to occupy your heart is unsettling. But much like other uncertainties in life, love requires risk and courage. It takes guts to dust yourself off and try again but when hope and action prevail your only obstacle is time. And in due course you will find what you are looking for.

I think that because I'm so vulnerable I (naturally) try and protect myself from harm and look for security. I look for constants in life, final answers to unanswerable questions, and, of course, I plan plan plan. Maye it's laziness and I'm trying to secure my future so I don't have to constantly return to my responsibilities. That when I find those answers the quest will be over or when I make something official I'll have it forever and not have to maintain it. I'm still learning that I can't control it all or have the answers to everything. That I need to embrace mystery and take risks because life's more exciting that way.

I can't always escape my vulnerabilities but when I can find the courage I believe in my personal capacity to have a great life and my ability to face uncertainty with wit and wisdom. When I stand up to speak to a crowd or introduce myself to someone I admire or try something new I remember that we all have our vulnerabilities. I remember that guilt, insecurity, pain, fear and uncertainty are universal emotions and feelings and that while we are all unique our commonalities outweigh our differences. I remember that we're all in this thing together and that somehow comforts me.

When things turn sour I try to embrace the suck and forge on through. I keep my eyes open for pleasantries and when all else fails I wait for the hourglass to turn or the cycle to change. Despite my vulnerabilities I give it a shot because I know the glory days exist and I look forward to their arrival. I anticipate the summits, the days when I'm the winner. When energy, flow, clarity, meaning and connection surround me. When I have no problem diving into the water.

It requires courage to leap into the pond without knowing whether the water is hot or cold. But when we start to swim and see others doing it too we realize that we were all on the same boat to begin with. 

Keeping the Flame Alive:

"A man practices the art of adventure when he breaks the chain of routine and renews his life through reading new books, traveling to new places, making new friends, taking up new hobbies, and adopting new viewpoints." 

- Wilfred Peterson

Photo Credit: Sparks of David Photography

"Tickets, please!" shouts the guard at the gate entrance.  "Everybody keep to the left". Jack fumbles around and foolishly pats at his pockets knowing damn well that he doesn't have a ticket. He doesn't even have money to buy a ticket. But he wants to be on the other side of the barrier. He needs to be at that concert. After such a hellish week, Jack justified that he even deserved it. He craves the kicks, to feel alive. He pictures himself standing next to the stage. The lights flashing in his eyes as the music washes over him lifting his sorrow spirit to breathtaking heights. He feels the emotion and chaos as bodies crash into each other in a sweaty mosh of ecstasy and bliss.

Determined to be at the dance party that rages on a mere 50 meters before him, Jack makes up his mind. He wants in and will be there at all costs. Hopeful, he weighs the options that would replace an entry ticket. Then, Jack sees it. A crack in the fence. It's close enough to the entrance to be slightly hidden by the sea of people that surrounded. He can do it but he needs a distraction. Just then - as if the rebel gods were on his side - the opportunity comes.

The ticket master turned for a moment to speak to a patron. Or was it to chastise a fellow trespasser? Jack didn't bother waiting to find out and made his move. He feels a hot jolt run through his entire body as he wedges one foot and knee through the crevice in the fence. He was almost there! Was he spotted? Jack stifles his doubts and fear of the crime. He could hear the excitement rising through his veins. His heart beats in synch with the tempo of the bass-pumping techno blasting from the speakers and he feels the raw nerves in the pit of his belly. A brief wave of sweat washes over Jack's body as he slips his hips through the gate. He's in. He can hardly contain himself. "Keep it cool, Jack. Don't look back - just keep moving," he mutters anxiously to himself as he strolls animatedly down the lawn towards the stage. A mixture between a laugh and a whimper escapes from Jack's throat. He knows he will prevail. Moving as if he has every right to be there, Jack's stroll turns into a brisk, yet, awkward jog as he bolts down the grassy hill and races towards the dancing crowd. "Yeaaaaaaa!" Jack bellows in triumph at the top if his lungs. He had made it.

Jack spent the rest of the night socializing, shamelessly dancing, and horsing around. The music, human connection, and new territory was just what he needed. After a terribly hectic week of mind-numbing work, Jack was worried he would split at the seams from the pressure. Like a childhood delinquent searching for the thrill of living on the edge, Jack needed a release. And that's just what he got.

Jack searches for something meaningful in life because he is unenthused. The 'rat race' and daily grind of mundanity had left him feeling high and dry and he just wanted to break the vicious cycle of stagnancy and feel exhilarated again. Jack's life had become habitual and it lacked the vivacity he needs to thrive. He needed to feel ALIVE.

The truth is, we all need to feel alive. We need excitement, something to rev our engines! But if we do the same things - in the same way - every day, our lives will lack… well …LIFE! The human experience is dynamic, progressive, and ever-changing so there is a constant need to keep up. We must keep things fresh or we will wither away, die, and scatter with the wind.

Jazz things up! Keep your work captivating, your education insightful, your travels inspiring. Maintain an arousing love-life and keep your friendships surprising. Step outside of your creative comfort zone and try something new, something avant-garde to trigger novel thoughts and feelings. Innovate in all areas and challenge your personal status-quo. Advance in life!

If we fall into mundane routine even the most beautiful things in life will turn into a dull bore. It may sound cliche but take a different route to work or volunteer yourself for new responsibilities, shock your muscles with a new and challenging exercise or delve into new territory in your spiritual journey. 

If you think and act in terms of change new opportunities will arise. You WILL experience something new. How different our lives will be is determined by how far we go to into foreign territory. Perhaps, Jack's resolution was reckless and irresponsible but if life is empty it will somehow be filled with something - whether in the form of struggle, revolution, or opportunity - to keep us on our toes...

We have all been given the spark of life. It is now our responsibility to kindle it into a flame. Feed your fire with the appropriate fuel and it will warm and illuminate the way along any path you choose.

Keep the flame alive - keep life interesting!

"The less routine the more life." 

- Amos Bronson Alcott

*****SELECTED SPARKS*****

25 Sparks of Inspiration for Today and Everyday:

1) You are already GREAT. You are only getting GREATER.

2) Opposition is inevitable. If not internally, it will come externally.

3) Be wary of what you take seriously. It can either be your greatest success or your biggest failure.

4) Chances are, you already know what needs to be done.

5) Anxiety is neutral. It can either drive you to success or insanity.

6) Life is a series of sensations.

7) In life, you should give twice as much as you take - except for knowledge.

8) Sometimes, it just takes some time.

9) Don't be ashamed of your childhood conditioning - learn from it.

10) Everything is perfect. The Universe may just be realigning you into harmony.

11) Never be afraid to learn from a child. Their honesty and simplicity is invaluable.

12) Know when to say NO.

13) Don't take anything personally. 

14) Take everything in stride. And don't be afraid to yield. 

15) Don't focus on first impressions. Look for lasting impressions.

16) No drug can produce a greater feeling than love and hard work. Ironically, they are one and the same.

17) Turn your desires into goals and keep your goals on your mind at all times.

18) Don't make assumptions. Communicate.

19) Never miss an opportunity as lame as it may be. 

20) First THINK. Then think POSITIVE.

21) Emotions are our greatest resource. 

22) Live as if all your dreams have already come true.

23) Work with the tools you have picked up in life and build something for yourself.

24) If you think in terms of change, new opportunities will arise.

25) We are all given the gift of time. What will you do with yours?

Have a great day! :D